So drunk its hurt
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
me + whiskey = a bad person
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
please don't ironically join a cult
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