I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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