its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
