What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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