you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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