3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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