Will you blow on my dice?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
