I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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