DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
