What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
