Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
