So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
