i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
