Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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