you didnt know i had herpes?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
