guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
