I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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