I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
