Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
