Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
