Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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