Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
