Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
