she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
