I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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