It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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