I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
