just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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