I'm jealous of your bromance
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
