I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
