Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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