Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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