all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
