i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
