He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Holy sore nipples Batman
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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