I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Randomize
