in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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