Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
