Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
