Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
be right there i have to get my cape
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
