ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
