I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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