worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
