im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Don't make out with my wife yet
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
