i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
