May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
