Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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