It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
