do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
