he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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