Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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