i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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