I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
